Goodbye 2014 - Hello 2015

Coming to the end of twenty fourteen kind of feels like "thank, God, I made it".
You might not believe me when I say this has been the hardest year of my adult life.
When you see my posts here and there on Facebook and Instagram they are mostly positive or about good things but remember that internet lives are not the whole story. My thoughts about this may change someday but right now I'm alright with only showing mostly good things through social media. However, I would be lying if I said there weren't times I wished I could share the hard. I haven't shared as much because I'm truly afraid that if I start it will be hard to stop. Or it will only look like I'm complaining. Which I probably would be. I don't keep the hard to myself to make it seem like my life is perfect but rather to avoid extra damage to my already too sensitive heart.
So, with these thoughts I'll just say that this year was not what I expected it to be....it was so, so hard.
When the new year started it felt full of possibilities and I was blissfully happy with my three week old baby, my twins, and my husband. Circumstances can change so much. And I've let my circumstances steal my joy, my life, and my hope. Too many times my heart has felt tortured and lifeless. I've let my mind stay in a place that's unforgiving of self and let it wreck my self esteem to some extent. I wish I could say that I've found a way out of the dark hole I've let myself sink to but I don't think I'm there yet. Filling myself with good. Reading things that uplift. Prayer. Yet, I remain here in this place. A place of hopelessness.
And yet, even in all of this hopelessness I know somewhere inside of me that there is hope. It's a constant battle within myself between knowing the truth and feeling desperate anyway. So much about my life has not turned out the way I thought it would. Most things are for the better. Some things feel like "what happened? how did I get here? Seriously, what happened?" I have said for years that I never wanted to come back to this town to live and yet here I am. Here we are. Don't get me wrong, I love that we are so close to family now. That part has been nice. However, even with that I haven't felt this alone in a long time. Even the short time we lived in Houston and I knew no one, I still didn't feel alone like this. Being back though, my husband doesn't seem to need me as much, my kids have other people (this is good though), and I am left feeling unneeded and without my best friend.  All the tears cried. Time wasted. Life not lived. Twenty fourteen, I have never been so happy to see you go.
I know that a new year is not the answer. It doesn't fix anything. Time is just moving onward.
Yet, I feel sparks of hope again with the prospect of the new year. And that is something.

So, in all my rambling thoughts there is this one thought that I shared all of this to get to. I'm tired. I feel like the new year is bringing some kind of rest. Bringing some peace. Bringing hope. I am looking forward to working towards some goals. Like reading more, making sure I get enough sleep, taking better care of myself, both physically and mentally. This is my last year in my twenties and I know time will go on after I turn thirty but it's hard to embrace the inevitable while feeling like you haven't accomplished all that you wanted to during the last decade. My resolve for this year is to make it one of my best. To work towards my better life, to be brave, to find my hope again, to see the awesome in my life again.

I am so ready for this year. A seemingly fresh start. My 29th year.

Hugs to you, friends, and cheers to a bright new year ahead! Hello 2015!

Almost 6 Months

My mind keeps questioning over and over the reality of my baby on the brink of turning 6 months old. It doesn't even seem possible and yet in the same moment it feels as though he's always been here with us. / His sweet, happy, and sometime dramatic (so precious) personality is coming out more and more. / He's active but loves his sleep. / Cuddling is still his absolute favorite. / My favorite is laying down with him in the afternoon, I'll say "let's take a nap" and he giggles. Over and over. / He is definitely a HUGE fan of his mom, me. (*wink) I absolutely love it. /  He has my heart. Just like his brothers. /  Let's talk about those big brothers who sometime stop and give him a smile. / He completely lights up when they pay him any attention. / They are also his favorite. / They are interacting with him more and more. It's the sweetest and my heart feels so full just thinking about it. / He's on the edge of being able to sit up on his own. Rolling and scooting everywhere. / He loves to scream and squeal with delight. / He practices his pouty lip daily. / He sleeps through the night, mostly. / He has been working on trying to grab food and drinks for a few weeks now. / This morning he reached and reached for my bowl of Cheerios. Then, he proceeded to pout and half cry and share with me that he was upset that I wouldn't give him any of my Cheerios. This was a first. / I think I'm going to start him on solids this week. We can't have a hungry baby. / Have I mentioned how much I love this little man. / He totally has a piece of my heart.

Oh, Boy.

Liam Bennett arrived in December. He's precious, sweet, and has stolen our hearts.
I'm head over heels in love with this little man.

He has made our family even more wonderful.

...............................................................................................

I'll be back soon. Adjusting to life with three has been challenging and I'm still trying to find a good balance. Attempting to stay on top of select things around the house as well as caring for three boys has left little time for anything else. It also doesn't help that my emotions have been on a roller coaster, (as is likely to happen after having a baby), and I'm not quite back to feeling like myself. So, thanks for hanging in there with me.

Oh, and Simple October shop will be reopening with a few Valentine's Day goodies on Wednesday, February 5th.

Oh, for the love of the weekend!

Thursday morning post talking about last weekend.
Yeah, that's how I roll.
Sorry for all the random posts and lenthy distance between. We've been busy over here.
Just trying to keep up with life.

So, I have a confession.
I am not usually a big fan of the weekend. At least not for the last 3 1/2 years. (insert busy law school student)
But, the weekends when David is home and we can get out together as a family... those are the best.
Those weekends feel like mini vacations.

Add in some gorgeous weather and it's perfect.



 

His smile is magic!

 







 

Boys first time climbing a tree. Let's just say they were BIG fans. I see a tree house in our future.

Favre's face in the last photo explains exactly how he felt about having to climb down out of the tree so his brother could climb up. Priceless!

 

What makes your weekend great? 

Baby photos

My boys are turning 5 and I've finally put their birth photos in an album. I've had them printed all this time but haven't been able to decide on how I wanted to organize them in an album. There was also the issue of what supplies I wanted to use and what I wanted to say. Anyway, I am changing the way I scrapbook our memories from using only 12 x 12 pages with a few photos, lots of supplies and way to much time invested, to using Becky Higgins Project Life pages. I am not an advertiser for Becky Higgins but I believe in documenting our lives and finding an easier way to do so. Her concept of quick pages is wonderful. They are easy to put together and if you don't want the added work of picking out supplies, she sells kits that are beautifully coordinated.
I have been collecting items to use for a few years now so, I pulled those supplies together for my pages. The only item I used from Becky Higgins are the page protectors. They are just wonderful and she has so many options. Okay, enough about all of that, here are photos of my pages.

 

I am totally in love with these colors. Grey, slate blue, green, and teal. Lovely!

 





The next page has too many naked baby photos to share with the world. They include the just born photos and one with each boy and me giving each of them a first kiss. The journal cards include their full names, weight, height, date, and time.

 

 

The next two pages also have too many naked baby photos to share the entire part.

 

 

 

I made one page for each and included our hospital bracelets, they each had one and I had one for each. The name cards in the photos to the left are alphabet flash cards from Pretty Little Studio. I also included their hospital crib cards that stated they were breastfed boys.

 

 

 

 

I apologize for the small photos. For some reason I can't get them bigger like the top photos.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

These wooden people figures from Studio Calico are some of my favorites. Super cute!

 

 

I love sharing my photos and projects with you all but I never want anyone to think that I have it all together. Because frankly, I don't! It takes a lot of effort and some major motivation to pull things like scrapbooking supplies and photos out to work on. I find ways to be inspired and motivated to get things done because they matter to me. I want to have our memories organized so I can look back on our lives and see how we lived. Experiences and life changes that happened. Thoughts about the changes in our lives. Words of love that resonate, "you matter the most to me" for our children. All of this matters more to me than whether or not I feel like doing to work. Which really is fun once I get over the hurdle of pulling everything out.
Alright, that's all! I just wanted to give a bit of encouragement incase it was needed! :)
Happy Thursday!